Buccs win away.

Oh how we do love an away Bu(cc)s trip. Despite the best efforts of Acklams travel to try and derail our unbeaten campaign in the Eastern Merit League (the pinnacle of English rugby), we arrived in Malton an hour late, with an over heating engine and a driver’s pace maker that was about to explode. Malton were arguably the best side we’ve played this season so this fixture wasn’t expected to be the walkovers which we’ve being getting used to, so we hoped our poor transport fortune didn’t reflect into the game.

Perfect weather conditions for a bit of rugger saw both sides at stalemate in the opening minutes with some kick tennis and a territorial battle. The game was sprung in to life at the 4 minute mark with young gun scrum half, Al Edwards keen to demonstrate that his new mullet does correlate with having large testicles. He puts a shot in on a bloke twice his size which forces a knock on for an Ionian’s scrum midfield. The next 5 minutes was all Al, he would box to put us in good territory but then kick off at the ref and lose the territory he had gained. Class, a true scrum half and you love to see it. 10 minutes in and the Buccs finally found themselves in the danger zone. First team man, Stowe carried a direct line to almost go in under the sticks but gets stopped just short. Jake our fly half would spot the opportunity out wide and throw a 20m miss pass to one of our many blind wingers, Chris Glover who leapt like a salmon, collected the ball over his head and darted in for the corner. The score would go unconverted but first blood to the Buccs, 5-0. 4 minutes later we would find ourselves in pretty much the exact same position but this time Glover after collecting another excellent miss pass from fly half, Jake, would be barrelled into touch over in the corner by 4 defenders to be denied. Fortunately Glover’s penis remained undamaged, so we were able to continue our usual rituals on the bus later that day. Thank the lord.

On the return kick receipt Melly would take a high shot for one of his and their were multiple cries from the crowd of “GBH” but we weren’t sure whether they were aimed at him or the Malton lad… Nonetheless, Both teams’ defences were holding strong and Ionians were having to work hard to try and find gaps. Fortunately for us, Stowe isn’t really bothered about gaps and would hit a crash ball from 10m out and bulldoze his way under the posts for a converted score, 12-0, 18 minutes in. On the 23 minute mark, Malton were beginning to string together some phases in attack. Their big forwards would start to cause some problems for our considerably smaller boys. Malton had a scrum dead centre on our own 22 and were looking to utilise their big lads to get a rumble on. Stowe would manage to get us out of trouble by forcing a fumble from his opposing centre and fly hacking to exit to safety. On the counter, Jake would get the ball to break down the left hand side and put in a grubber to go round the winger and fullback but was taken late off the ball for us to get a penalty on the Malton 10. Winch would put the ball into the danger zone and the rest was left to the forwards. Lineout collected, rumble on and Matt Jeffries would continue his scoring form and dot down from the back of the maul in the corner. Winch left his kicking boots at home, 17-0. Although Winch left his conversion kicking boots at home, he was solid out of hand. Particularly when accompanied by expert linesman and first team motivational speaker, Charlie Allenby. Allenby would add an extra 10-15m on any penalty Winch was fortunate enough to clear (much to the dismay of the Malton crowd). Outstanding stuff. The last play of the half saw one of our other blind wingers, Big Wilks sense opportunity and pickpocket his opposition by intercepting a pass from the centre and sprint in the 60m distance under the posts. Winch managed to convert this one without the help of Allenby, 24-0, half time oranges.

The second half started off much like the first. However, this time Malton were being forced to play on Ionians’ terms and were often made to exit which would be marshalled by fullback Winch and returned with extras forcing them further into their own half. The 10 minutes of ping pong was ended by Wilkie, once again gaining an interception disguising himself as one of their own backline and meant Al could box into Malton’s 22 taking advantage of a lack of Malton men in the backfield. This once again forced Malton to exit and this time Winch collected the ball, beat his first man and puts a nice offload in to Stowe who handed on to karaoke specialist, Eagle, who despite having 3 men still to beat, somehow manages it and crossed the try line in the corner. Extras obviously missed by Winch but 29-0 and a dominant display. Malton weren’t down and out though, and despite our bomb squad front row substitutions, our scrum started to falter. The big farmers relished the up front battle and would start to string together a series of penalties. But good rugby players are formed under pressure and veteran 28 year old, Pistol Pete would come up with the goods and salvage a turnover relinquishing pressure. This would give the first team saviour some time on the ball. Allenby would pull together a series of breaks in quick succession, the first drawing a 2 on 1 from 30m out to put Winch in for a deserved score in the corner which once again he obviously didn’t convert, conversions are for losers!! 34-0. The second Allenby break led to some build up play on the halfway line but it would be cut short by a deliberate knock on from the Malton flanker that was deemed not deliberate by the referee and allowed a scrum opportunity for Malton to counter. They would steal the scrum and we were caught for a number of infringements which meant Malton were smelling blood. They tapped the ball to keep the pace and their big forwards bulldozed their way over just outside the post. A deserved score for their efforts in the forward pack, 34-7.

Time for Ionians to shut up shop and close off the game. Allenby would make another break which I won’t mention and allow Buccaneer stalwart and centre, Josh to see space and shift the ball to the wings. He was deemed to have been taken off the ball, late, high and not at all handsome so the Malton winger could see out the rest of the game on the sidelines. We would look to add the final nail in the coffin and braking down the left hand side from 25m out, Eagle, Josh and Stowe would link up but Stowe was deemed to be held up and the try was not to be at the 75 minute mark. The last attempt in the game was pioneered by Eagle who as well as honing his karaoke skills is also having a bash on the wing. He would beat 4 defenders and offload to the consistent delivery man, Matt who would be tackled 15m out and we fell foul of a side entry so Malton were let off the hook and the final nail wasn’t to be.

Final score 34-7 and a bloody good effort from all involved against a set of big lads who I’m sure will rue the amount of kicking used by their 10. Job done and time for a beer and to see some dick on the bus back. Notable mentions go to a few outstanding players. Firstly, 2 lads who stepped down from the Buccs to help Ramblers put on a fixture, Pinder and Pube. Without doing so they would have forfeited the game so kudos for helping them out. Forward of the match went to Gill, a man who goes from strength to strength, carrying everything, boshing people and becoming a real force of nature in the Buccs team. Back of the match went to Wilkie for his excellent efforts of 4 interceptions and some solid tackling to boot. Then MOM went to my understudy who is no longer my understudy, not sure I’ll be getting back into the team anytime soon, Al our scrum half with another outstanding performance. Another nod goes to Winch and Jake in the backfield, proper solid performances.