Buccaneers vs Malton II

In a rare and welcome home game, the mighty Buccs faced a sizeable Malton side that were looking to scupper our current unbeaten record in the league and attempt to overtake us in the pinnacle of English rugby, the Yorkshire Eastern merit league. We were blessed enough to play on the hallowed turf of the spectator pitch at Brantingham Park which I’m sure will give our groundskeeper many sleepless nights, as we know, that pitch is to be spectated and never played on. Conditions were grey, miserable, and slightly wet but as always, no complaints from the Ionians faithful with a sellout crowd of mainly mums and dads who were presumably regretting their decision to have children.

The Buccs would receive the kick off with Matt Jeff commanding the ball and setting us a platform to run some simple forward carries and exit through young gun fly half, Sam Hass up to the half way line. Slightly messy lineout but Malton would retain the ball and try to use some of their gigantuan forwards to bust through our defence. Despite their size, Malton were struggling to put together many phases in attack, largely because our defence, led by Matt Jeffries and Pete McGlynn in the back row, meant we were able to push Malton backwards. Our diligent defensive line blustered by a serious shot from Melly on his opposite number forced Malton to carry with some isolated forwards and Josh Dawson managed a tremendous turnover which allowed Allenby to take advantage of a 3 on 1 and put a pass so loopy in the air that Zig branded it loopy da loopy. After the ball finally came down from the skies, it would find it’s way perfectly into the hands of the Bermudan Beast, Ryan who sprinted past his lead footed winger and would Shearer celebration in the final 30m for a try 10m wide of the posts. You got your try kidda. The extras would go unconverted as Hass lured the Malton team into thinking he couldn’t kick, 5-0.

Next kick off Matt would collect again and similar to before we tested the attack through a few darts from Winch, Josh and Hass, and then exited to opt for territory. We would be rewarded for our game management and defence after Malton coughed up possession and gave us a penalty for holding on about 40m out. A quick tap was taken which Malton immediately brought down so they were marched back another 10m. Sam Hass nudged the ball into the corner and the forwards were prepped and ready to set up a lineout. The ball was collected by Pinder and the maul began to rumble from 15m out. Melly was out of breath at the back trying to keep up with the pace but used his beard to latch on to the back to rumble over for a classic forwards try. Extras added this time, 12-0.

The next kick off was sliced by the Malton 10 but it some how paid off for them as it dropped perfectly on the 10m line. It caught Dan Pinder slightly off guard but he was some how able to control the ball like Lionel Messi and collect his touch to present the ball on a plate for our forwards to ruck over. That will go down as the best thing Pinder has and will ever do. Absolute filth. Sam Hass would look to exit again, but having lulled them in to a false sense of security for being terrible at kicking, caught the Malton side unbeknown and put up a spiral bomb George Ford would’ve been proud of. The ball almost went as high as Allenby’s loopy da loopy pass and by the time it came down, the Malton 15 was nowhere near it and it bounced towards the Malton try line. Chased diligently by debut youngster, Coutts, he would track the 15 down and force Malton into a desperate ruck 5m out from their own try line. We would attempt to counter ruck but were deemed to be off our feet so Malton thought they had got off the hook. Unfortunately for them, their fly half would slice his clearing kick and would fall perfectly into the hands of PE Prodigy, Winch who would draw 3 defenders just inside the 22 and produce a filthy out the back offload to Coutts, who cutting an inside line would be rewarded for his kick chase and get himself a debut try near the corner. Extras missed, 17-0.

Everything wasn’t going our way however, and despite collecting the kick off and exiting, this time through Winch, we would find ourselves back in our own half through a series of penalties for offsides and infringements at the rucks. The penalties would become costly and the Malton 10 was able to gift his forwards a lineout 5m out from our line. But who would come up with the goods? Allenby of course. He managed to turn the ball over in the lineout and some how come away with the ball, making a few extra metres and then distributing to Hass to exit. A slight let off but the hard work wasn’t over. Malton continued to pressure our defence and we found ourselves back in a similar position, 15m out. The Malton forwards now smelling blood were inching their way closer to our line. Their 8 would prove the difference, who charged through 2 defenders and stretch out the final metre to get their first points of the day. Extras converted, 17-7.

Time to buck our ideas up. We would kick off and after the Malton forwards gave them solid territory around the halfway line, they were caught napping at the ruck and Brad was able to sneak under the legs of Gigantor and pick the ball up to distribute to our backs. We would gain 30m getting the ball out to the wing through Wilkie, but Winch, thinking he was the master of disguise thought he could snipe down the blind and catch Malton off guard. Truly terrible decision and the Malton defence were able to push him out the 15cm gap into touch on their own 22. God loves a trier though and Winch’s constant ambition to attack can’t be knocked… maybe on this occasion it can. Not to be deterred, we would shortly come up with the goods as Allenby was chopping the Malton forwards down and being a constant menace at the breakdown. He would be rewarded for his efforts and we would get a penalty 5m out on the Malton try line where Allenby quickly took a tap catching the defence unawares and dot down for a remarkably simple effort. Could Allenby be working his way on to the first team roster and become part of Makin’s master plan? Certainly playing like it at the moment. Extras added, bonus point secured and the score was 24-7 at around the 25 minute mark. Zig brought on some substitutions to rest some legs and the remainder of the half was left at stalemate. Half time whistle and lots to be pleased about.

The second half would be slightly less exciting and Malton sensing they had an uphill battle, started to rally and pull together. Their strong forward runners would take 2 or 3 men to take down and despite valiant efforts from our front row men, the scrums began to turn in favour of Malton. Malton would be the team to score first at around the half way point in the half when a loose ball found it’s way to one of their back rowers who offloaded to a support runner and go in under the posts for a 7 point score. 24-14, were the away team forcing a comeback? We would kick things back off and a slight lack of timing meant the Malton man was taken in the air by Josh, which I had a lot of time for but the ref didn’t see it that way. A couple of hand bags and a punch in the face for our Peter meant Malton some how still came away with the penalty. They failed to exit after opting to tap the ball and we would get ourselves in a territorial and possession arm wrestle for the next 10 minutes. We played the majority of rugby in their half and after a series of penalties we were in the red zone. A quick tap fired through (somewhat poorly by Brad) to Sam Hass who distributed the ball out wide. We stopped just short and Pinder taking a direct ball from 9 stretched over to bag himself a meat pie, extras missed 29-14. Malton still weren’t down and out and we sustained 5-10 minutes of constant pressure in our half with their pack some how not tiring. Our defence still held strong and strengthened by the use of Pete’s bonce, managed to prevent them from scoring. The final play of the game would be a penalty in our own 22. We opted for glory and Ryan broke down the right hand wing to be tackled on the Malton 10m line. We would ship the ball to the opposite side of the pitch and into the hands of winger Luke, who would break towards the Malton 22 and put a nice grubber in which would sit up on the try line. Perfect ending for a try? Unfortunately not and Malton’s scramble defence was able to touch the ball down to call the game at 29-14. Great contest from both sides, toughest league side we’ve faced this season certainly.

Notable mentions go to Tyson, who gives half our team a pint nowadays (mostly to the young guns of the team as well, is he grooming them? I wouldn’t like to say), Cass for stepping up to ref, without him we wouldn’t have had a game and apart from some creative laws JK Rowling would’ve been happy authoring, did a bloody good job. And finally of course, everyone who Tys gave his date rape pints to; Pistol Pete, Allenby, Matt, Coutts, Josh, Bouncer’s dog, anyone else I miss? Tune in next week where we face Beverley, where Mike Mel’s seeking revenge on his old club… Melly’s gonna get ya.